LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!

This is Tonito.  He came to Love & Hope in April.  I remember the first day that we met him, he had this cute little voice and was so sweet and playful.  My heart melted the moment I saw him.  It was love at first sight!   

Tonito has cerebral palsy which makes it difficult for him to walk.  He is able to take steps on his own and regularly uses two canes to help him get around.  There is a rehabilitation center in San Salvador that offers hydrotherapy for kids.  Tonio was on a waiting list for awhile but has recently started taking classes.  I was able to take a lesson with him one day.  It was so much fun because Tonio has no fear of the water, he just jumps in, smiles, and lets out joyful laughter the whole time!  He is advancing so much in his skills as he learns to push off the wall and kick with just his legs.  We can see how much his therapy helps him because he has been walking so much better in just the 6 months he's been living with us. 

Last week, I rode along with the team of people who took Tonio to visit his grandmother, sister and uncle.  His older sister has a very similar personality.  They both greet everyone they see with big smile and a cheerful, "Hola!".  It doesn't matter if the person is a complete stranger or someone who they've known all their life.  The two of them tossed a beach ball back and forth while we visited.  Their laughter made tears come to our eyes as we watched them play.  When I think of "joy" I think of Tonito! 

Today I took him to my neighbor's son's birthday party and at one moment he leaned over and kissed my forehead and said, "Kelly, preciosa!".  He is so incredibly adorable.  I love spending time with him because he is so joyful and seems to make the most of every opportunity he has. I have a lot to learn from Tonito, his sweet and positive attitude warms my heart and encourages me.

EARS TO HEAR

My grandmother Colleen wears hearing aids.  She went for a check up last year and told her audiologist that I was going to El Salvador for a year.  Sheryl Figliano, her audiologist, is also a member of the Boardman Rotary Club and had the great idea to join efforts with the children's home with whom I was volunteering.  In January of 2011, a team of rotarians including Sheryl and her husband visited Los Planes de Renderos, El Salvador to help at Love & Hope Children's Home.  During the visit Sheryl was able to check for hearing loss in a nearby community.  Her husband Fortunato and assistant Liz Shoebel helped to test and identify the people who would need hearing aids.  Antonia and Pablo were identified with significant hearing loss.  They were able to create a mold and attach hearing aids to them that same day.  It was very emotional watching their reactions to being able to hear better.  Pablo hadn't been able to hear for 14 years and praised God while he waited for the molds to dry.  On a recent trip back home to the states Sheryl gave me the permanent ear pieces she had ordered for Antonia and Pablo to replace the temporary molds.  This past week I was able to visit them and change out the molds.  It's great to see how grateful and joyful they are to have ears to hear! 

MI CASA ES SU CASA

About a 5 minute drive from the children's home lies a little community named "The Golden Villas".  One day a friend from church told me about this place.  She said there was a house for rent and it was a safe community.  I went for a walk that afternoon to go and see it.  I wasn't sure where the location was once I saw the sign for it, so I asked a woman and her granddaughter who were standing next to me.  They told me that the house was actually right next door to them and they would take me there.  When I entered the gated community of "The Golden Villas", a huge smile jumped on my face.  It was a nice, quaint block of townhomes connected to one another all painted in beautiful bright colors.  There was a park with basketball courts and swings, and many families out walking and enjoying the afternoon.  I immediately felt safe and comfortable.  I definitely could live here!  I checked out the house, it was bigger than I needed, but a quarter of the cost of my condo back home, so it seemed rather affordable.  I rented it the next day. 

This new home has been such a huge blessing to me.  I love to wake up to the sun coming through my window at 5:30am, listen as the coffee pot brews on its timer, and slowly get the morning started without any distractions.  Once my devotions are finished, I get a nice quick workout in and then head for the home.  These are all the things that start my day off well but were hard to fit in when I lived at the home.  I've had to separate myself so I can be more balanced.

My neighbors were quick to make friends.  There are 3 women who invite me to hang out with them.  We mostly have coffee together at someone's house but we also went on a day excursion to a surfing location along the Pacific.  Two of the women are single, Christian and my age.  It makes me happy to have some friends just like me living a few houses down!!

I painted the entire inside of this home.  It was a big project but I loved every minute of making my new house a home.  One thing I've learned about me is that having my own home and being able to dress it up to look nice makes me feel sooooooooo good! 

GRACIAS!!

There are thousands of opportunities within one single day for you to participate in glorifying God.  Seriously, thousands.  A smile, a hug, a kind word, no words at all, a helping hand, giving grace rather than judgment, etc.  The awesomeness of God is that He invites us participate in these opportunities almost every second of your day.  You either do or do not, that's his love in giving us free will. 

Sitting on my parent's patio on a summer evening, looking out to the millions of trees that surround me, and noticing the calming sound of nothing gives me time to reflect on just where I've been, what I've done and what comes next. 

To think about the big picture is frightening.  What will happen this next year?  Will I experience great hardships?  What valleys will I experience?  What if God asks me to give up my dreams?  A great friend of mine asks, "Can you do today?"  Yes, I can do today.  Because there are thousands of opportunities in one day in which I get to participate in sharing the love of Jesus Christ.  And if I fail, there are plenty more.  Besides, I should not worry about tomorrow, today has enough of its own!

I like that perspective.  I can do today.  One day last year I decided to do something big.  It wasn't just an opportunity to give a hug or a smile.  It was a choice to walk next to someone for 365 days, which then will turn into another 365 days.  Within those first 365 days I made a choice to build into someone who needed love, support and loyalty.  I will never forget the experience.  I stepped out to do something different, and God coddled me the whole way, opening every door to make it easy and clear. 

There are many other people who made a decision during that time to glorify God.  These people are woven into the beautiful embroidery that makes my story possible.  I want to give a heartfelt thank you to every single person who listened to me, who prayed for me, who earned money and then decided to give it to me, who believed in me and who cheered me on.  I also want to thank those who questioned me, who challenged me and who held me accountable.  You all participated in something incredible.  You responded to a need and acted as the hands and feet of Jesus Christ.  I will never be the same because I chose to love radically and so did you. 

At the end of the year, I recall three important things.  One, seeing is NOT believing.  Faith is believing what you cannot see.  This was one of my greatest challenges and successes.  I do believe in God's call to care for orphans, to believe in Him above all logic and in your faith you will eventually see.  I grew by leaps and bounds in this area.  Two, that in my weaknesses I should delight in hardships and difficulties.  I am an organized, hard worker.  But I am not gifted as an executive director.  My weaknesses are many which makes me cry out for help so much more.  It keeps me humble.  Third, to be a companion in the suffering and patient endurance in Jesus Christ.  I will never forget the experience of standing by one of the most amazing women I have ever known, Rachel Sanson, through thick and thin, no matter what.   

One special moment for me came a few days before I left for the states.  I was doing a year review of my expenses.  I realized that my bank account had the same amount of money in it as when I started this journey.  I couldn't believe it.  I smiled and wondered why I had even worried about finances.  God sustains.  He's increased my faith, to believe when I cannot see.  And the greatest part was that He gave me so much more than I had anticipated.  He knew my needs and was gracious to me.....through the very special people who made a choice to participate.  Thank you to everyone who walked alongside of me.  My words will never express how much you mean to me and am indebted with love for you. 

On August 7th I will return to Los Planes de Renderos, El Salvador with a renewed, restored heart.  It has been so incredibly fun to see all my friends and family.  I had a few things I really wanted to do:  meet my new nieces Legend and Legacy (check, check, check, and check), an evening with my parents at their favorite winery (check), pooltime and a cookout with my bros and their families (check, check), spending time with everyone who supported me (check) and catch a Tribe game (no check yet).  My time here has been filled with so much peace, rest and calmness that I wish it was something I could pack up in my suitcase and take along with me!  Thankfully, the peace of Jesus can go anywhere with you. 

I look forward to the highs and lows I get to share with you from El Salvador!   

I WANT MY LIFE BACK

Those are the words I said in May.  Somewhere along the line of waking up at 5am to do devotions with the kids, paying bills/payroll and cranking out financial reports at hours when noone else is around so I can concentrate, looking for a good cup of coffee to couple my personal Bible reading and returning to my quiet time 1.5 hours later because so and so needs this and so and so need that (by then my coffee is cold), trying to cover sick days/vacations and schedule every movement that needs to happen for some 30+ lives just plain old wiped me out.  I ungracefully muscled through every aspect of running a children's home and it left me drained and plain old unhappy.  It wasn't until Rachel came back and we divided up responsibilities again that I realized how much of myself was gone and what I did everyday became who I was.  I knew when I came here that I wanted to have healthy boundaries and stand firm on those if I was going to make it here for a year.  But all of sudden things changed:  Rachel took a sabatical, our finances dipped, issues that we wanted to improve so much were met with resistance from some staff members and then it just seemed like I had to dig in more and more to keep going.  I'm not sure about you but I can often get one-dimensional and focus on one thing until I do it perfect, and therefore become pretty unbalanced in the rest of life.  So I became what I did and what I did became who I am.  Well, that's where I am but the good thing is that I put  plans in action and that's how I am here to live to tell the story :)

I started reading a book that helped me understand what just happened to me.  It asked me to identify my critical life areas and I wrote: faith, family, exercise, physical health, eating healthy, social life, home life, finances, attitude, ministry and mission support.  I graded how I was doing in those areas and gave myself one B and the rest C's and D's.  Yikes!  Coming from a teacher, that's pretty sad!  So what happened?  How did I get a below average report card on life?  This book also asked me to look at things that drained me and I wrote:  needy people, issues that never get fixed, people who don't grow/learn, overwhelming amount of work, and incompetent people.  Wow.  I was alive but consumed by all the things that drain me and had no escape from them because I lived it everyday.  First plan of action, come to terms that it's ok to be drained by these things even if noone else is.  Two, remember the things about my life that I love:  girlfriends, reading the Bible, exercise, listening to music, leading and making an impact, home-making, the beach, and heart to hearts about what God is doing in my life.  Once I remembered these things I moved out into my own home so that I could gain those fillers back and do life at my own pace.  Fourth plan of action, take time off to recuperate and deal with what the imbalances caused:  insecurity, lack of relationships, bad eating, no exercise and a desire to be left alone.  Yup.  That's me.  Can you believe it? 

So here I sit on a patio overlooking the Pacific.  I came across a place that has maybe 3 couples staying here and me.  It's such a charming, tranquil atmosphere with lots of hammocks, palm trees and great service.  I am so impressed.  I'm also impressed by the price.  I got to stay in a suite overlooking the ocean for only $43!!  It's definitely not busy season here.  My goal was to get alone with God, to restore and let him rebuild my heart and mind.  For the last 10 years I've lived knowing I was cut out for teaching and leading small groups and doing mission trips with my spare time.  Asking me to do something that I have no experience doing left me looking for affirmation from all the wrong people and causing a huge hole of insecurity in the process.  Has anyone ever had this experience?  We all look for security in the wrong places:  skinny bodies, lots of money, popularity, knowledge and the list goes on.

But there really is no security in anything outside of Christ.  Jesus has unfailing love for us, all of us, and it IS enough.  For the proverbs 31 woman "she is clothed in strength and dignity" and that is the identity that Christ offers me.  I must take that on, give thanks and remember it day after day in order to fight all of the other distractions that try to break a person down.  Wanting my life back is not about self-centeredness or even personal interests.  It's about stewarding well that which God has entrusted to me.  I look forward to taking more and more time away for myself to restore and hear God's voice.  May it be louder than all the rest! 

ONE MORE

When I returned to El Salvador in January from a 3 week Christmas break, I was descending the big mountain we live on in our Hyundai Santa Fe, singing to my Ipod connected to the cassette deck and soaking in the sunshine.  I was on my way to have coffee with my dear friend Britney and I remember that day well because I started thinking of how easy this life has become here in another country.  It was almost as if I wasn't living in another country.  The things I was doing I would be doing back in Ohio as well.  I was starting to feel...comfortable.  Don't get me wrong, I still sleep in a bunk bed, pull my clothes out of 5 plastic drawers and share a bathroom with 5 other girls.  It's definitely not as easy as back home, but I'm not complaining.  :)

I also started to realize just how hard it would be having all of these experiences and then one day going right back to life as I knew it one year ago.  What would that be like?  For so many months I held on to that security thinking, "I get to go right back to where I came from in case I start to get homesick or whatever".  Now, I was thinking that if I did go right back there then I would not know what to do with all that I've learned and how I've grown. 

I started this mission with a heart to honor God, trusting Him to use me in a way that would meet a need, and that need was to build into a girl who was going through the roughest year of her life. I wanted to love her and stand by her through thick and thin. I knew that I could, I had this overwhelming feeling inside of my heart and I just knew that I could be there for her. Well, we went through thick and thin and developed a beautiful friendship along the way. There is nothing more that I am happier to admit. Mission accomplished.


One particular week in early March the same topic kept coming up, "Have you thought about what you're going to do when your year is up?"  I couldn't avoid it.  It was the topic over coffee, with my pastor and his wife, in emails and over phone calls.  I didn't want to think about the other side.  I was going to go back to my life.  But did God have something else?  What I believe was God showing me signs of something else allowed me to open my mind to a whole new perspective.  It started at an Advisory Board meeting when I was trying to make a case for an Executive Director candidate and my pastor/Advisory Board leader, asked me some tough questions.  He said, "Can he do this...., this.... and this....?"  I honestly answered, "No, no, yes, maybe?".  He said, "Why don't YOU take this position?"  I said, "Because I can't do any of those things either!!!".  The majority of the group encouraged me to think it over.  I know I'm not a business person, far from an accountant, light years away from being graceful in this position and completely embarrassed by how my Spanish fails me at times.  But there is nothing else in my life that has shown me just how flawed I really am and how much I need His sufficient grace.  Back home, I walk in my own power.  Here, I question everything and cry out for wisdom every morning before I start to climb the flights of steps that lead to 30+ people waiting for direction that day. 

This time last year I wrestled with God about making such a risky decision but I couldn't deny the doors He continued to open and a wise friend said to me, "If they open, you've got to walk through them".  I remembered how I came to make that decision last year and thought if my employers would give me another year of unpaid leave then I can stay on for another year with that same security of knowing I can come home to teach.  Surely they wouldn't though.  It's was a huge blessing they did it in the first place and to do it again for a second time?  No way.  But what does it hurt to ask?  and the response?  It was the most incredible message.  THEY SAID YES.

And the encouragement kept coming.  The girl that had the roughest year of her life?  She dreamt that I told her that I was staying for another year and she felt more confident to face another year.  I know that in my own strength I am nothing and only He can do big things like that.  I am even more humbled to serve a holy God who doesn't need me but delights in me because I want the chance to honor Him.  Most days I feel unworthy to be filling the role of an Executive Director of a children's home in a foreign country but if God can take an insecure, intense, incredibly hard on herself, control freak with an A+ personality and use her for some good - then I'll take it. 

So I've committed to serving here until July of 2012.  I'm working out the details back home to manage another year salary free.  My family will be sad and disappointed.  This weighs heavy on my heart.  It actually makes me want to change my decision at times.  I covet your prayers over these matters:  that God would bring peace and joy to my family, that He would cover the financial needs, and that those who feel led to help would know the love of Jesus more because they gave from their heart. 

At the end of my life I will have to answer to one person and I want His response to be "well done good and faithful servant".  I aim to hear those words.  It brings purpose to doing hard things. 

I'm coming home June 27th to spend time with my family, celebrate my mom's birthday, meet for the first time my two little twin nieces and enjoy a real American cookout!  I plan to stay most of July and enjoy every minute of being in the USA.  I'd love to see you...especially if you made it to the end of this very long blog entry!  God bless you...

BIRTHDAYS GALORE!

The month of March brings many celebrations at Love and Hope.  First, on the 8th it's Rachel's birthday.  The visiting team and other missionaries decided to remodel her room.  It was painted, curtains were hung, a futon bought and a mattress on the way!  Then, it was my birthday on the 10th.  We had an ice cream social with the kids.  It's so nice to see how excited they get to wish you a  "Happy Birthday".  Our missionary group went out for appetizers to celebrate and there I was gifted the most fabulous surprise...a day at the Decameron Beach Resort, an all-inclusive package!  I couldn't believe my eyes or ears - it was so wonderful.  I leave on Monday so I'll have to show you pictures.  Next weekend on the 19th will be the best event of all.  Joselyn, the oldest girl, will turn 15 and celebrate the coming of age "Quinceanera".  This year is significant because at this age 15 year olds are considered to be entering into womanhood and into a mature relationship with Jesus Christ.  The celebration resembles a wedding: church service and dinner reception afterward.  We've been planning for awhile now, just got the dress today, and are waiting for our cook to arrive this week to prepare the dinner.  At the end of the month, the girl that I sponsor, Shelby, will turn 14 and this year I will be here to celebrate with her.  In the years past, I would send down a little gift with whomever was traveling.  I look forward to taking her out for something special like my mom would do for me.  My mom has the greatest taste in gifts and I always enjoy what she picks out for me.  I hope I can do the same for Shelby!

The past few days have been noteworthy for counting our blessings.  So here's another entry for the Love and Hope Faith journal...

March 11th.
Every 15 days we receive a wire transfer from our non-profit organization in the US.  They channel the funds they receive to us in order to pay our expenses such as salaries, utilities, groceries, gas, etc.  The past two transfers have been half of what our expenses are.  After paying our bills with the money from Thursday, we will not have enough to pay salaries on Tuesday.  In November I blogged about how I got so worried about expenses but over the past few months I have practiced a different attitude....a faith like George Muller.  On Friday morning I climbed up to the Puerta del Diablo and had a conversation with God.  I told him, with a smile on my face, that I knew he would work things out and I was going to sit back and wait to see who he used and how he was going to provide for this ministry.  I have felt peace through these past few transfers knowing that no matter what we receive, God will always provide.  Well, a day later, the team that was staying with us decided to give an incredibly generous donation.  One that included enough money to pay our wages for Tuesday and supply groceries, gas and other daily expenses for the following week.  They also designated funds for Rachel and the missionaries.  It was so nice for them to think of us!!! 

I never cease to be amazed by how God works out his plan.  I love telling his stories.  It would bring more stability if I knew we'd always get our needed amount in transfers but for now, the not-knowing and leaving it up to God to supplement the difference is just so satisfying, sweet and a wild ride.  I'll take that.  He.is.for.real! 



 

GEORGE MULLER FAITH

I am reading an autobiography of George Muller, a German preacher from early 1800s that ran an orphanage in England.  He lived without an income, relying solely on God to nudge the hearts of others to give, and his autobiography dates all the answered prayers and provision.  It's simply amazing to see the simplicity of his faith.  He prayed, he believed, he practiced integrity and God provided.  God challenged him more and more by giving just in time or even a few days past worldly deadlines, but He always provided.  He called many to a new level of faith and trust in God by being involved in ministry. 

I want to be more like George Muller because of his childlike faith and how he recorded all of the stories of provision.  The more I think about being more like him, the more I realize I have stories just like his to tell.  Stories of how God has provided here at this home time and time again.  Maybe I have not recognized them or have not made a big enough deal out of them, but they have happened.  And I want to say that my faith has increased and I watch and believe more and more that God will always provide for his children, especially orphans. 

Being more like George means getting up a LOT earlier... he believes that one should have 6-7 hours of sleep and rise as soon as you first open your eyes and realize you are awake, not allowing yourself to sleep another minute, because you were bought by the precious blood of Christ and you should not waste another minute of your life.  This will give one enough time for prayer in the early morn.  He also doesn't believe that the needs of the ministry should be told but to rely on God to place those needs on the hearts of others.   It's not a concept I'm familiar with because many people ask us what we need and we have lists of things that we can pass out.  He also left dated entries of the many times he prayed for needs and received them so I think I'll start with that.

February 14th.  A woman named Alma brought a cake to the home for the kids on Valentine's Day.  We met this woman a month ago when she brought groceries to our home.  Since that day we have been able to cut our grocery bill 50% saving hundreds of dollars.  Today we gave her a photo of all the kids with little hearts as a small token of gratitude.  She asked for a list of birthdays and when she realized that one of our children will turn 15, the coming of age for a latin girl, she offered to do all the girls hair and make up for her quinceanera party!  We never had to ask her for a thing, God just warmed her heart to want to give.  God keeps providing for us in numerous ways through the generosity of so many people.  Glory!

KISSES AND SPIDERMAN

About a year ago I started planning for this mission.  I knew I would primarily help administratively but one of the most exciting thoughts I had would be to act as a house parent.  While my role doesn't include childcare duty, there is one certain child I try to connect with often.  His name is Daniel or "chunk".  Daniel is 4 and he doesn't have any siblings at the home.  He is extremely affectionate and loves to eat any kind of junk food you can imagine.  He is really funny because he gets excited about everything and sometimes does a little dance that involves shaking his bon-bon or or swaying his hips.  I love to walk into a room and say, "Daannieeeeeellllll!" and watch him come running to jump into my arms.  Then everytime I try to pick him up I say, "oh! you're such a chunk!"  Now he knows how to say, "I'm a chunk!" in English.  Certainly a term of endearment.  Daniel does not skimp out on kisses for sure.  Sometimes he will even grab your head and stick to your cheek for as long as he can.  The other night I was giving him kisses before he went to bed and he just couldn't get enough.  I thought about how much easier it was for him to go to bed with someone there to confirm their love for him before he fell asleep.  I know that with Daniel it is mutual.  I can always count on him to give me kisses and confirm someone's love for me day in and day out.  These special kisses have warmed my heart and have made me feel loved.

Last night I sat down next to Erika and her caregiver after she had had a meltdown.  Her caregiver explained that she was climbing and swinging from the bannisters as if she were spiderman!  I laughed because Erika is the one child who climbs, swings, jumps, and will get herself into any knook and cranny she can find.  She also likes to run around doing cartwheels and handstands.  I told her that I thought it was great that she had a caregiver who loved her enough to make her stop what she was doing so that she wouldn't get hurt.  She told me that she already knew some new spiderman moves and that she was sure she wouldn't get hurt.  I told her that it's probably best that even though she didn't think she'd get hurt that she listen to those who are much older than her and can identify danger a little better.  She ended up agreeing.  Then she went on to say that another girl had hit her.  I asked her how she reacted and she confirmed that she told the caregiver.  I wanted to reinforce how great that was because she didn't hit her back.  Well, then she admitted that she hit her back the second time.  She then hunched over and said, "I want to change but I just don't know how!"  Oh!  How sweet for a 7 year old!  I told her that I feel the same way too but the only answer I have for her is that she can ask Jesus to help her every single day.  So together we prayed, well I prayed and she repeated after me, asking Jesus to help her say nice words and behave well while she plays, attends school and is with her family.  We also prayed that Jesus would forgive her for her sins and make her heart clean.  I told her that we all make mistakes but Jesus always forgives and He can always help us.  Her tender little voice and her tightly squinted eyes gave me such a smile because moments like those don't happen often and when they do I want to soak it all up and praise God for giving me an opportunity to share hope with another.  It's also a good lesson for me to remember too!

"With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.  We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ."  2 Thess 1:11-12