When I first started this journey, I was going to be a house mom to 5 children. I have wanted to have my own family for quite some time and I was so excited about the opportunity!! I thought about the kids coming home from school in their cute little uniforms and asking them about their day. Not even 2 months after arriving, we moved into a new house and changed the model. Now it's a year and a half later and every single child from my group has been returned back to their families (whether we thought ready or not). Our mission has expanded rapidly into responding to the emergencies of returned children to their families in addition to training up their children. I didn't have the chance to be a house mom to them. My desire to be a mom has become stronger by watching children without them desire one. I have seen with my own eyes how a child can become a different person simply because they know they are wanted by someone, especially their biological parent. It strikes me as incredibly sad that there are many moms out there who don't want to be or know how to be, and many kids who need them and don't have them. It's not how God designed family.
Last night a little three year old came up to me in his cute little pijamas and asked, "Can I go to your house tonight?" He was so cute about it that I had a hard time saying no. I asked him why he wanted to go and what he would do there. Then I told him that I didn't have any food at my house. He suggested that we go get some eggs from the chicken coop below. He won me over in that moment. And that's what we did. I woke up early this morning and as this little one lay on the inflatable mattress all I could think about is what an amazing God we have who made this perfect little creation. He made him knowing that he would grow up in a children's home, that his family would be disrupted, and that he would have a purpose in this world to serve. I couldn't help but just stare at him as he slept and thank God for one moment that I could serve as a mother. And then we ate scrambled eggs together for breakfast.
Today I was on my way to meet a mother to one of our children for the first time. She had never been involved in her child's life. Our support team was really nervous about how she would receive us. The social worker and psychologist gently reminded me not to be direct with her (American Kelly) but to be patient, calm and allow her to feel comfortable with us. As I prayed on the ride there, I felt this overwhelming sense to "love her". Just love her. It doesn't matter where she's been, what she's done or how she treats me, just love her. We spent 3 hours with this woman and as she told us about her past I felt like I was rooting her on to be a good mom. She is a wounded person who seems plagued by a bad relationship with her own mother that has prevented her from becoming a good mother to all her children. She talked about how she wanted to play softball and be a cheerleader in school while growing up but she wasn't allowed to do things like that. She eventually ended up on the streets. I thought about how I grew up playing softball and cheering with the band on Friday nights. I was encouraged. I was allowed. I had those same hopes and experienced them. She didn't. She cried with us about the wounds her childhood brought her. Not just because she couldn't participate in school activities but from an upbringing that left her unsatisfied, wanting a different kind of relationship with her mother. This brokenness left her not knowing how to be the kind of mother she can be to her child. I teared up, knowing just how much my mother has given me and how much I want to encourage this mother to overcome the generational dysfunction and fight for her children. It was a pleasant meeting. I felt much love for her. I saw first hand the wounds that are so common in this country - broken families and many young mothers who do not know how to have loving relationships with their children and they give up. It's so sad. But there is hope, there is a God who loves us, never forsakes us and is unfailing. He can redeem ANYTHING. This mother left saying that even though she doesn't have the kind of mother she always wanted, she has three new friends who made her feel loved. Just love her. And I did. Thank you Jesus.
