Tears into Dancing

Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
    Lord, be my help.

”You turned my wailing into dancing"

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 

that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.    

Lord my God, I will praise you forever.  Psalm 30:10-12

There has been a sad pit developing inside of me because as I get closer to traveling to El Salvador for the summer - I fear the moment when I have to say goodbye again in August to the precious little boy that I am adopting.  I know I haven't even arrived yet, but I had hopes that the adoption would be complete by then, and our God is a God of the impossible - so I still have hopes, but at the same time the odds are against it.

My heart is sad not for me, but for him.  Tone has experienced more loss than a child should have to.  He's had to say goodbye to his family, goodbye to the first institution and goodbye to several caregivers that meant a lot to him at Love and Hope.  He said goodbye to me two times already and I anticipate one more time again in August.  He experiences loss through sadness and quietness.  He doesn't express himself verbally but he does take it hard and his tears are so hard to endure.  He's a sensitive little guy but also quite resilient.  He has much to be joyful about as well, and joy is what he expresses more of usually.  That's his charm!  And one day we will rejoice together knowing that we won't ever have to say goodbye.  

I break down and cry every time I think about how much I don't want to disappoint him by leaving before I can take him home for good.  It brings me to desperately cry out to God for a miracle.  I would love to see him come home with me in August or that I would have a court date by then and could finally share the news that he will for sure have a forever family with me and that the wait time won't be long.  I pray for that everyday.   

So much of this journey is giving over control and trusting God to make it all work out.  I trust God.  I trust that He is doing way more than I can see right now.  I know that His hand is in this and that He will provide for every need that Tone has.  Only He can heal Tone's heart and the hurt left by imperfect people and unjust circumstances.  But I still pray that God's will is for him to come home in August and that in whatever fashion, it would bring so much GLORY to His name and many would come to praise Him because of the GOOD GOD that HE IS.  

Please pray, above all, that God's will be done - not mine.  Please pray for Tone's heart and that He would know how much God loves him and is his Father no matter where He lives or whatever circumstance he is in.  Please pray for me and that I would be strong and faithful to the Lord as I trust His mercy and grace to be enough for all that is left to endure.  Please pray that we would be a forever family - that our tears would turn into dancing sooner than later -  AND that this story would lead those who don't believe in a LOVING GOD to have the scales removed from their eyes and start.  In Jesus name!