Tears into Dancing

Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
    Lord, be my help.

”You turned my wailing into dancing"

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 

that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.    

Lord my God, I will praise you forever.  Psalm 30:10-12

There has been a sad pit developing inside of me because as I get closer to traveling to El Salvador for the summer - I fear the moment when I have to say goodbye again in August to the precious little boy that I am adopting.  I know I haven't even arrived yet, but I had hopes that the adoption would be complete by then, and our God is a God of the impossible - so I still have hopes, but at the same time the odds are against it.

My heart is sad not for me, but for him.  Tone has experienced more loss than a child should have to.  He's had to say goodbye to his family, goodbye to the first institution and goodbye to several caregivers that meant a lot to him at Love and Hope.  He said goodbye to me two times already and I anticipate one more time again in August.  He experiences loss through sadness and quietness.  He doesn't express himself verbally but he does take it hard and his tears are so hard to endure.  He's a sensitive little guy but also quite resilient.  He has much to be joyful about as well, and joy is what he expresses more of usually.  That's his charm!  And one day we will rejoice together knowing that we won't ever have to say goodbye.  

I break down and cry every time I think about how much I don't want to disappoint him by leaving before I can take him home for good.  It brings me to desperately cry out to God for a miracle.  I would love to see him come home with me in August or that I would have a court date by then and could finally share the news that he will for sure have a forever family with me and that the wait time won't be long.  I pray for that everyday.   

So much of this journey is giving over control and trusting God to make it all work out.  I trust God.  I trust that He is doing way more than I can see right now.  I know that His hand is in this and that He will provide for every need that Tone has.  Only He can heal Tone's heart and the hurt left by imperfect people and unjust circumstances.  But I still pray that God's will is for him to come home in August and that in whatever fashion, it would bring so much GLORY to His name and many would come to praise Him because of the GOOD GOD that HE IS.  

Please pray, above all, that God's will be done - not mine.  Please pray for Tone's heart and that He would know how much God loves him and is his Father no matter where He lives or whatever circumstance he is in.  Please pray for me and that I would be strong and faithful to the Lord as I trust His mercy and grace to be enough for all that is left to endure.  Please pray that we would be a forever family - that our tears would turn into dancing sooner than later -  AND that this story would lead those who don't believe in a LOVING GOD to have the scales removed from their eyes and start.  In Jesus name!  

...JUNE!

January, February, March, April, May...JUNE!  The blessings of being a teacher is that I can travel during the summer months.  And next month I'm off...again!  

That sad January day I left El Salvador this past Christmas break, I told everyone I would be back in June and Tone and I have been counting down 6 months until we get to see each other again.  He's really good at half of the months in English by now.  We're one month away from another visit, this time for two months, and he has already asked permission to ride to the airport to pick me up.  I can't wait for this sweet reunion!  It's been a long year waiting for all the paperwork that goes into the adoption process.

A recap:  I spent June - December getting approval from the US government to be considered an international adoptive parent.  Then in January I delivered all of my paperwork to my lawyer and he said I could be optimistic about August.  I haven't heard a thing yet.  UGH!!!!  I can't explain what is happening that makes the process go so long.  All I know is that we live in a country that has systems set up for processes to happen according to a timeline.  It's not the same way in other countries and we are all at the mercy of the employees and work load at the governments agencies.  I know I will not return in August with my little boy but maybe Christmas is a more realistic hope.

The amount of time apart from him has started to pay a toll on me.  The lack of any progress in the process has also weighed me down a bit.  In addition to that, last week I realized that I would have to take time off for the adoption (now that it's clearly not happening in August) without access to my 100+ accumulated sick day leave.  It just doesn't seem fair and keeping my hopes up was becoming harder.

Just when I needed a bit of good news, I received a letter today from a grant that I had applied for in February.  It said that I was awarded $6,500 toward the adoption!!!!!!!!!!!  Woo hoo!!!!!!!  The pushes me over my goal of raising $20,000!!!!!!!!.  I just can't believe it!!!!!!!  This news is so incredible and it came when I needed to hear it the most.  God is so faithful.  He knows every need and provides.  Always.

There are several huge mountains to climb before all of this comes to fruition.  I thank you all for being interested, encouraging and supportive.

As I finish off the school year, I am reminded that my 1 year anniversary for returning to the USA is in a few weeks.  I've already purchased a ticket to return.  It just so happens that the woman I hired to do my job in El Salvador is having surgery two days before I get there so guess what...I get my job back!  ha ha!