IMPERFECTION

The other day I went to a deli to get a sandwich.  There was a boy about 6 years old who was hanging out near the steps.  No shoes, clothes that didn't fit and dirt all over.  He asked me for money but I kept going.  I got my sandwich and walked out.  He was still there.  He asked again and I kept going.  I walked across the street and went into McDonald's to meet my friends.  I couldn't eat.  How could I eat knowing I just walked by this little boy?  I ordered some food and went back to him.  He was sitting down and when he saw the McDonald's bag he put a pure, innocent and simple smile on his face.  No teeth, no words, just a little smile that was like "I'm going to eat, mmm..".  I sat down and had some fries with him.  He told me his name was Jose.  I wish that I would've asked him more, where his parents were?, who he was with?, where does he live?.  I didn't.  I just kissed his cheek and walked away.  I cried the way back.  How is this fair?

There is a boy who lives near the children's home.  He is 18 years old and comes to the home for his meals.  He has had a rough start at life, in and out of children's homes, in and out of his family's home, and now his only living parent doesn't want anything to do with him.  Our home pays his rent to live with another 18 year old close by.  He is attending school but is in the 8th grade.  Our leadership team was trying to decide what to do in order to help him become an independent, successful and responsible adult.  We decided that we would help him open up a bank account, write him a check for support, teach him how to pay his own rent, groceries, bus fare, school supplies, etc. while he attends school.  I took this on as a special mission because I usually spend my days with kids his age and I really want to see him succeed.  We set up a budget for him and I taught him how to record his income and spending.  I told him that I would check it every month to see if he was doing well with the money we give him.  I also told him that getting a support check for rent and food will require a report card and attendance record from school regularly.  He told me that he can't bring his report card because parents are supposed to go to the school and pick them up monthly but noone ever shows up for him so he doesn't get a copy.  I asked if I could go and pick it up for him and meet with his teachers.  He quickly jumped on that idea and my heart broke.  At that moment I looked at him: his spiky hair, little frame, headphones at his side and felt such love.  I knew it didn't come from me, it came from a place of feeling a burden for those who don't have families and are left without that is placed on one's heart from a God who loves us all.

Today I read a quote and it helped me understand my feelings.  "God brings imperfect people together to perform His work on earth.  He does not send angels.  Angels weep over this world, but God does not use angels to accomplish His purposes.  He uses burdened, broken-hearted, weeping men and women." -David Wilkerson   I get discouraged when I see the odds, the hardships, the trials and the amount of whatever it will take for people to live in hope and be free.  That quote made me understand why I have to see it.  If I never saw it, my heart wouldn't break, and I'd never care for another.  So, until I arrive in heaven, my time on Earth has to be this: eyes wide open to weep, be burdened and broken by what I cannot fix and can only place my hope in a God who can use an imperfect person like me to be a light.  I know my buddy will make some mistakes with his money management and will fail at times with other things.  But I want to keep giving him hope that God picks us up, dusts us off, and gives us new mercies for each day and will place the lonely in families.  I know he has for me.