Timing

Waiting...I've never been really good at it.  I can drive myself crazy in the meantime.  It's really not my fault, though, the "hurry-up, right now!" gene dominates on the maternal side.  I see it in my grandma - she'll do anything at 80+ years just to get it done...yesterday.  I see it in my mother - she'll have the saw and hand tools out with eye goggles on just because my dad took "too long" to get to it.  Oh yes, it's in my nature.  I know I am in good company with others out there too!   God's timing is perfect and I rest, not all the time, but challenged to rest, knowing that He is working out details that I can't see right now, working out everything for good so that He will be glorified. 

 

 

There are moments when I think I can't stand it any longer though, like when Rachel brought back a painting Tonio made. It's me on a plane smiling because I was going back to my family and him on the ground wearing a red OHIO t-shirt, his round glasses and a frown.  The sun is even frowing.  My heart aches.  Then joy sets in when I see snipits of the future and how God is preparing Tonio's heart when he says, "Mami Kellyta" and "sabes que te amo?" (little mommy Kelly / Do you know that I love you?).  My heart settles into contentment and confirms that this is something He planned even before the two of us were born, a divine match!    

I remember when I was deciding to stay on mission for a second year or not.  I actually said these words, "God, I am scared to go back home and return to my life as I know it.  I want something amazing to take place.  Something that will change my life forever because of this experience.  Let me build on this and not fall back into a comfort zone."  God didn't disappoint.  Well...not that he answers to me, of course, but because He aligns our heart with His will when we allow it.  And a month later we received a call at the home to go and meet Tonio. 

The waiting period makes me anxious.  Remembering how He answers my cry cancels it and renews my faith. 

Many people have asked "Where are you at in the adoption process?"  Now that my file is in the hands of the Salvadoran Office of Adoptions, here is my hopeful timeline:

Step 1:  Be approved as an adoptive parent through OPA (Office of Adoptions) by MARCH
Step 2:  Be approved at the big meeting with all offices representing adoption by APRIL
Step 3:  Be officially assigned to Antonio and received a "Referral" by MAY
Step 4:  Be assigned a court date for JUNE or JULY
Step 5:  Travel and return by AUGUST

Ever since I started this process I have envisioned that Antonio would be here by August 5th, 2013...his 9th birthday.  When my lawyer in El Salvador suggested a timeline of June, July and August - my heart leaped!  Really?  That's my summer break!  And that's what I was thinking anyway!!  haha.  And it would be perfect timing for school transitioning!  On the other hand, I fully trust God's timing and his perfect plan for what He is authoring, and I won't be surprised if it takes "un poquito" longer. 

There is a new thermometer on the right of this blog to celebrate the timely receipt of provision through this process step by step.  The next & last phase is due at the referral step.  I have applied for 3 grants that offer gifts enough to support the balance of need.  Can't wait to watch how God works it all out.  He awes me.   

I received some encouraging news about Tonio yesterday.  There have been some really great people working with him and his ability to walk.  Check out this video!  

Known

My heart melted when I walked into the dining area and all their little sleeping bodies were curled up on mattresses early Christmas morning.  I snuggled up next to Tonio, Raul and Chamba.  Daniel woke up crying in his sleep a little later so I pulled him close to join the Twister game of gentle souls waiting to celebrate the biggest birthday of the year.  When Tonio woke up, he whispered, "Santa came!" and we smiled and hugged as months of anticipation finally came to rest.  One by one, the others started to wake up and lots of excited hugs and kisses were exchanged and I quickly realized there is a place within me that has been touched and forever changed because I "know" and have been "known" by them.

One special greeting came from a little gal who returned to the home after having been gone for several years.  I heard this voice, "Hi Kelly Moore."  I turned to look over the sea of blankets and it took me a few seconds to figure out whose little mouth it came from.  It was Lissette.  I hadn't seen her in 3+ years!  How did she remember me and my last name?  Wow.  She knew me and I knew her.

Christmas Day was quite a celebration, the kids packed onto the bus with gifts they wrapped up from their own belongings to distribute to other kids throughout the neighborhood.  It's a great tradition to get our hearts in the right place before opening up gifts waiting at the home.  It was my first Christmas under palm trees and sunshine and I had to chuckle when there was a stocking hanging on the terrace for me but the chocolate inside had melted from being in the sun!  haha. 

Watching Tonio open his gifts sent from awaiting grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins made the day seem just perfect.  Nearing the evening, Tonio kept asking if we were going to do the list of things that he we had been planning.  I told him to be patient because we didn't have to do everything in one day.  Just then I realized that when I told him I was coming for Christmas, he had been thinking that I would visit just that day - and that I would leave by night.  Awwhhh.  What a relief that we would share 10 more just like this one!

Every minute was a blessing.  Every day was well spent.  I felt joy as I put on a "mom" hat (instead of the director hat I had worn for 2 years) and eased into the role of just going with the flow and helping to meet the everyday needs as they came.  I also focused on developing a deeper relationship with Tonio.  We were able to get to "know" each other in a new way.  For once, I didn't have to split my time between responsibilities.  He was all mine and I was all his! 

Of course that made leaving heart-breaking. I didn't think I could take it, not so much for me - because I know what is to come - but for him because his little heart and head doesn't quite comprehend all that is happening, only sadness of me leaving...again. Saying goodbye for now is only temporary. But there will be a day when I get to tell him what God has planned for us and I can't imagine the joy we will feel when forever happens. My cup runneth over.