The new me

For quite sometime I have been hearing this question, "What's going to happen when you leave?"  My plan has always been to organize the administrative roles to this home and then find the capable people to carry them on.  I have finally replaced my role and am ready to come home!

Yanira is the new Director of Operations and she has wonderfully and swiftly take on most of my responsibilities and more.  She is smart, calm, respectful and capable.  I really, really, really, REALLY like her!  Hiring and training her has given me a great feeling about all the work that I've done down here and now I get to pass the baton to someone else (more capable).  It's so relieving and refreshing! 

Looking back, so much has happened and I've learned a lot about myself:  good, bad and ugly.  I'd like to think that I will be forever changed for the good.  I also value the way God has created me just as I am and that He can use His creation in ways that benefit him.  I am amazed that He sustained me the way that He did, although certain times more difficult than others, but over all He has the power to cover our weaknesses with His strength and grace, that's something that is still hard for me to believe.

I have never experienced having a heart for children like I have had here.  I once heard someone say that they felt "Jesus' heart for others" overcome them.  It wasn't until this experience that I can admit to sharing those same feelings.  I feel so much love for these kids and it warms my heart to see the little sweet things they do and hear the little sweet things they say.  I find much joy participating in their lives and getting a front row seat to seeing their development.  I know that I will see children differently when I return, in my classroom, in my family and the ones I haven't met yet that God will place in my life. 

I am a teacher at heart and have a strong desire to return to the classroom and have the platform to teach every single day.  The best part of my administrative role here is being able to teach SOMEONE ELSE to do it!  I'm not quite sure how God will use this part of the experience in my future but He always promises to use things for good.  It has stretched me to learn new things outside of comfort zone, to be diligent with details and responsible for SOO much and to work in an environment that challenges me and goes against the grain of how I have lived my life for so long. 

I am ready to come home.  I feel very strongly that God has placed a certain child on my heart and my heart breaks as I think about being separated from him.  I met him a little over a year ago and ever since then I have been contemplating my role in his life.  I have gone through so many emotions and thoughts in this past year but finally have decided to try to adopt him.  I look forward to doing this when I come home.  There is a ton of work, waiting and expenses ahead of me but I have peace that this is the next step in my journey.  God bless!

MOTHERS

When I first started this journey, I was going to be a house mom to 5 children.  I have wanted to have my own family for quite some time and I was so excited about the opportunity!!  I thought about the kids coming home from school in their cute little uniforms and asking them about their day.  Not even 2 months after arriving, we moved into a new house and changed the model.  Now it's a year and a half later and every single child from my group has been returned back to their families (whether we thought ready or not).  Our mission has expanded rapidly into responding to the emergencies of returned children to their families in addition to training up their children.  I didn't have the chance to be a house mom to them.  My desire to be a mom has become stronger by watching children without them desire one.  I have seen with my own eyes how a child can become a different person simply because they know they are wanted by someone, especially their biological parent.  It strikes me as incredibly sad that there are many moms out there who don't want to be or know how to be, and many kids who need them and don't have them.  It's not how God designed family.

Last night a little three year old came up to me in his cute little pijamas and asked, "Can I go to your house tonight?"  He was so cute about it that I had a hard time saying no.  I asked him why he wanted to go and what he would do there.  Then I told him that I didn't have any food at my house.  He suggested that we go get some eggs from the chicken coop below.  He won me over in that moment.  And that's what we did.  I woke up early this morning and as this little one lay on the inflatable mattress all I could think about is what an amazing God we have who made this perfect little creation.  He made him knowing that he would grow up in a children's home, that his family would be disrupted, and that he would have a purpose in this world to serve.  I couldn't help but just stare at him as he slept and thank God for one moment that I could serve as a mother.  And then we ate scrambled eggs together for breakfast.

Today I was on my way to meet a mother to one of our children for the first time.  She had never been involved in her child's life.  Our support team was really nervous about how she would receive us.  The social worker and psychologist gently reminded me not to be direct with her (American Kelly) but to be patient, calm and allow her to feel comfortable with us.  As I prayed on the ride there, I felt this overwhelming sense to "love her".  Just love her.  It doesn't matter where she's been, what she's done or how she treats me, just love her.  We spent 3 hours with this woman and as she told us about her past I felt like I was rooting her on to be a good mom.  She is a wounded person who seems plagued by a bad relationship with her own mother that has prevented her from becoming a good mother to all her children.  She talked about how she wanted to play softball and be a cheerleader in school while growing up but she wasn't allowed to do things like that.  She eventually ended up on the streets.  I thought about how I grew up playing softball and cheering with the band on Friday nights.  I was encouraged.  I was allowed.  I had those same hopes and experienced them.  She didn't.  She cried with us about the wounds her childhood brought her.  Not just because she couldn't participate in school activities but from an upbringing that left her unsatisfied, wanting a different kind of relationship with her mother.  This brokenness left her not knowing how to be the kind of mother she can be to her child.  I teared up, knowing just how much my mother has given me and how much I want to encourage this mother to overcome the generational dysfunction and fight for her children.  It was a pleasant meeting.  I felt much love for her.  I saw first hand the wounds that are so common in this country - broken families and many young mothers who do not know how to have loving relationships with their children and they give up.  It's so sad.  But there is hope, there is a God who loves us, never forsakes us and is unfailing.  He can redeem ANYTHING.  This mother left saying that even though she doesn't have the kind of mother she always wanted, she has three new friends who made her feel loved.  Just love her.  And I did.  Thank you Jesus.   

This is the Day that the Lord has Made

We are always told to rejoice and be glad each and every day.  Some days are easier than others.  Today, we were so blessed because we met with three different people who wanted to donated amazing things to our ministry!  First, one organization was excited to hear about the community outreach that we do and was sure they could help us feed the children in the Platanillo community by purchasing beans, rice, eggs, juice, etc. on a weekly basis.  All the details are still in the works but what a great connection!  Second, we met with a new friend who just recently moved here with her family.  Her husband's business searched for one charity organization in the country to work with and they picked us!!!!!!  They are from the States and are interested in getting really involved with us by doing many projects and activities with the kids.  Today, they helped us improve our recycling program by replacing our homemade bins (which only made it look like we had more trash we weren't throwing out) with 5 new color coded matching containers that make a load of difference!  It was something we needed to do but was never in the budget.  Another American visitor who was a former special needs physical education teacher, came to visit his old friend Tonio.  Robert is great with kids and loves to invent fun physical activities.  He came this afternoon to build a stationary bike that powers a race track with cars and cables for Tonio to practice walking.  We were really blown out of the water by all of these blessings all at once.  Being a part of something special and watching others on the outside do amazing things to be a part of it as well just confirms that God works out all things for good and that he uses His people to get the work done, people of all sorts, shapes, sizes, talents and giftings, He just puts it all together into a beautiful web of giving and receiving that glorifies who He is.  I'm so glad that He chose us to receive these wonderful blessings today!

My Favorite Things

I keep telling myself I need to write down all of the things I love.  All the things I love about El Salvador, all the things I can't live without from the States (a little vain!) and my favorite lessons in 2011.  I know I'm going to miss some no-brainers but here goes:

What I love about El Salvador:
1.  pointing with your lips (one of the very few practical things in this country)
2.  the view of the volcano on my way to the home every morning

3.  of course, the beach!  palm trees, sunshine and 80 degree days and 65 degree nights, can't beat that!

4.  greeting kisses on the cheek
5.  my Salvadoran neighbors!

6.  pupusas with spinach and pork (don't judge!  you have to taste it first!)

7.  beautiful children and singing, dancing, playing, laughing, hugging, kissing and putting on pj's!!

8.  Viva Expresso coffee shop (and my favorite friend Britney to accompany me!)
9.  driving stick shift in gigantic cars
10. cuevana.tv and graboid.com (the only way I get to see Castle!!)


What I can't live without from the States (pretty vain, I know):
1.  Bumble & Bumble hair products
2.  30 day shred workout DVD
3.  jeans
4.  technology (my laptop is with me everywhere!)
5.  Kate from the Neck and Back Clinic (my friday routine after work!)
6.  bathtubs and hot water (i think i took 3 a day when i visited this past december)

The books I loved and my favorite lessons:
1.  DNA of relationships (Gary Smalley)
     Verses to meditate on each day and they will change your relationships!!!!
     Prov. 23:7
     Gal 6:7
     Eph 3:16-20
     2 Cor 10:5
     Phil 4:8-9
     James 1:19
     Romans 2:1

2.  When Helping Hurts (Fikkert and Corbett) - my verse of the year!
   
    "if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
     and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
     then your light will rise in the darkness,
     and your night will become like the noonday" 

*spending ourselves doesn't always mean just writing a check or doing it ourselves because we can do it better.  it's spending the time it takes to help develop change.  and that takes time.  probably more time than any American can fathom.  spending yourself is taxing, it won't be easy, it should be hard.  the work of Christ IS not easy - we are to "spend" ourselves.*


3.  Set Apart for God (John Mulinde) 
     "saturate yourself in the Word for at least one hour every morning and ask God how He wants you to 
      spend your day"  The Word leaped off the page and kept repeating itself over and over again.  Be 
      prepared to see yourself for who you are and to see Him for who He is! 

100% PURITY

When I left Nejapa, El Salvador in August of 2009 on the way to the airport I told Rachel that I was concerned about the teenage pregnancy rate of the country and how the girls that I had just cared for for the past two months would make it without becoming another statistic.  It seemed as though those who did were in the minority.  How do you help change something that seems to be a part of a culture for generations? 

I made plans to come back and hopefully share God's Word about purity with those girls and the girls in the community.  What I didn't know was that about 6 months later, God would call me to make a two year commitment to helping direct the home administratively. 

Now that the busyness of those transitions have settled I was recently able to sort through a collection of things I brought from home a year and a half ago.  I came across five books that I had bought in order to teach on God's call for purity for girls.  I suddenly remembered how motivated I was before to share this material with as many girls as I could.

This week is week 5 of the group study that developed at my house on Thursday afternoons.  I am so pleased by how it all turned out.  I asked the three oldest girls in our children's home if they wanted to read this book with me while we eat sweet bread and drink coffee.  All of them were open to it and every week they check in with me several times to make sure we are going to do it again on Thursday.

We are studying God's word on how to live pure in all areas of our lives.  I am impressed by the openness of the girls to express their opinions, questions and stories.  I thought they would be closed minded and maybe just laugh and giggle over some of the material but it has been the opposite.  We have talked about some uncomfortable subjects but when I know that I get a chance to share truth with them, it's a seed that will grow and hopefully multiply to all those who know them. 

I am so proud of these girls.  They are the same girls that I took care of 3 summers ago and to see how much they have grown to be wonderful girls who love and know Jesus makes my heart content.  God has really gripped the lives of these girls and has called them His own.  I can see the fruits of His labor in their lives and I'm just glad I get a chance to be a part of it!

Sewing

The Salvadoran school year starts in January and ends in November. The two months in between leaves much room for other learning experiences. During the break the tios and tias teamed up to create a series of workshops to teach the kids skilled trades such as cooking, sewing, car mechanics, knitting and more. Two of the girls even took an interest in cosmetology and are attending classes three days a week during the two month vacation.
Last week I had the opportunity to teach the kids how to sew drawstring t-shirt bags and jean purses on the sewing machine. Sewing is special to me because my grandmother taught me how when I was very young and I have been able to create my own clothing and quilts since then. The boys found an old t-shirts and the girls used old jeans to create their finished product. After millions of questions and crooked lines, there was a smile on everyone's face for having experienced something new.
I am impressed by the teachable attitudes of these kids. Everyone wants to participate, learn and have fun at the same time!

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!

This is Tonito.  He came to Love & Hope in April.  I remember the first day that we met him, he had this cute little voice and was so sweet and playful.  My heart melted the moment I saw him.  It was love at first sight!   

Tonito has cerebral palsy which makes it difficult for him to walk.  He is able to take steps on his own and regularly uses two canes to help him get around.  There is a rehabilitation center in San Salvador that offers hydrotherapy for kids.  Tonio was on a waiting list for awhile but has recently started taking classes.  I was able to take a lesson with him one day.  It was so much fun because Tonio has no fear of the water, he just jumps in, smiles, and lets out joyful laughter the whole time!  He is advancing so much in his skills as he learns to push off the wall and kick with just his legs.  We can see how much his therapy helps him because he has been walking so much better in just the 6 months he's been living with us. 

Last week, I rode along with the team of people who took Tonio to visit his grandmother, sister and uncle.  His older sister has a very similar personality.  They both greet everyone they see with big smile and a cheerful, "Hola!".  It doesn't matter if the person is a complete stranger or someone who they've known all their life.  The two of them tossed a beach ball back and forth while we visited.  Their laughter made tears come to our eyes as we watched them play.  When I think of "joy" I think of Tonito! 

Today I took him to my neighbor's son's birthday party and at one moment he leaned over and kissed my forehead and said, "Kelly, preciosa!".  He is so incredibly adorable.  I love spending time with him because he is so joyful and seems to make the most of every opportunity he has. I have a lot to learn from Tonito, his sweet and positive attitude warms my heart and encourages me.