A KIND WORD

Psalm 12:25 "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up".

This week Dr. Alex Harrison, a Harvard psychiatrist, and her team were here to train the childcare workers and provide support to everyone at the Love and Hope Children's Home.  From the moment they arrived, their impression of what is going on here was very good.  They videotaped children and the interactions with the childcare workers and then used the video to teach and encourage about all the good things that were going on.  It's so encouraging to be uplifted in such a way.  Many times my focus is about what is going wrong or what needs fixed and changed.  I have been reminded this entire week by this team that there is so much good going on that we must keep recognizing in order to go on.  They told us to celebrate "small victories".  The weight of many burdens has been lifted and my mind now has a different perspective.  The kind words and encouragement that this team gave by identifying all the positives in this ministry has cheered me up. 

Not only have their kind words cheered me up, but words from a lot of others and maybe even you.  There has been such a multitude and I can't help from noticing that it is all coming at once.  It really is true that anxiety can weigh you down but kind words cheer you up.  I've experienced that this week and realized how off my perspective has been and how well others can lead me back to a place of peace. 

I am humbled by the kindness that others share when they see the work here.  I am cheered up by the opportunity to see from their eyes, their perspective and from the videos - all the things we are doing to train these kids up in the way they should go.  We are imperfect and we are learning more every day, but for today, there are 25 kids who are not being abused, abandoned or neglected on the streets of El Salvador. 

IMPERFECTION

The other day I went to a deli to get a sandwich.  There was a boy about 6 years old who was hanging out near the steps.  No shoes, clothes that didn't fit and dirt all over.  He asked me for money but I kept going.  I got my sandwich and walked out.  He was still there.  He asked again and I kept going.  I walked across the street and went into McDonald's to meet my friends.  I couldn't eat.  How could I eat knowing I just walked by this little boy?  I ordered some food and went back to him.  He was sitting down and when he saw the McDonald's bag he put a pure, innocent and simple smile on his face.  No teeth, no words, just a little smile that was like "I'm going to eat, mmm..".  I sat down and had some fries with him.  He told me his name was Jose.  I wish that I would've asked him more, where his parents were?, who he was with?, where does he live?.  I didn't.  I just kissed his cheek and walked away.  I cried the way back.  How is this fair?

There is a boy who lives near the children's home.  He is 18 years old and comes to the home for his meals.  He has had a rough start at life, in and out of children's homes, in and out of his family's home, and now his only living parent doesn't want anything to do with him.  Our home pays his rent to live with another 18 year old close by.  He is attending school but is in the 8th grade.  Our leadership team was trying to decide what to do in order to help him become an independent, successful and responsible adult.  We decided that we would help him open up a bank account, write him a check for support, teach him how to pay his own rent, groceries, bus fare, school supplies, etc. while he attends school.  I took this on as a special mission because I usually spend my days with kids his age and I really want to see him succeed.  We set up a budget for him and I taught him how to record his income and spending.  I told him that I would check it every month to see if he was doing well with the money we give him.  I also told him that getting a support check for rent and food will require a report card and attendance record from school regularly.  He told me that he can't bring his report card because parents are supposed to go to the school and pick them up monthly but noone ever shows up for him so he doesn't get a copy.  I asked if I could go and pick it up for him and meet with his teachers.  He quickly jumped on that idea and my heart broke.  At that moment I looked at him: his spiky hair, little frame, headphones at his side and felt such love.  I knew it didn't come from me, it came from a place of feeling a burden for those who don't have families and are left without that is placed on one's heart from a God who loves us all.

Today I read a quote and it helped me understand my feelings.  "God brings imperfect people together to perform His work on earth.  He does not send angels.  Angels weep over this world, but God does not use angels to accomplish His purposes.  He uses burdened, broken-hearted, weeping men and women." -David Wilkerson   I get discouraged when I see the odds, the hardships, the trials and the amount of whatever it will take for people to live in hope and be free.  That quote made me understand why I have to see it.  If I never saw it, my heart wouldn't break, and I'd never care for another.  So, until I arrive in heaven, my time on Earth has to be this: eyes wide open to weep, be burdened and broken by what I cannot fix and can only place my hope in a God who can use an imperfect person like me to be a light.  I know my buddy will make some mistakes with his money management and will fail at times with other things.  But I want to keep giving him hope that God picks us up, dusts us off, and gives us new mercies for each day and will place the lonely in families.  I know he has for me.

Vacaciones Agostinas

Ahhh!  August Vacation in El Salvador!  The schools, banks and government offices close for the week and all the kiddos and families hit the pool or the beach!  We are in the middle of vacation and have planned a lot of fun events with the children here.  On Monday we went to the beach about an hour away.  We rented a house for the day and the kids enjoyed the beach, the pool, volleyball, s'mores, hotdogs and a slumber party.  Tuesday was a big trip to Pizza Hut...and not just any ol' Pizza Hut, a totally decked out one with jumbo playgrounds and much more.  The perfect place for 20+ kids!  Wednesday - a day of scrapbooking and other crafts.  Thursday we are going hiking through some waterfalls and Friday is the fair!  I'll have to report back to you what Salvadoran fair food is like....hmmmm..... :)  The nice break in routine is great for all of us.  It's nice to spend some fun time with the kids instead of the hustle and bustle of getting homework, chores, laundry and etc. done.  My favorite moment this week was the simplicity of swimming with Chamba in the pool.  I carried him back and forth for many laps, jumping up and down, while he smiled and played with the toy torpedo.  His smile reminds me of an alligator because when he opens his mouth you can see every last one of his teeth.  It's such a delight to kick back and enjoy one on one time like that.  We also braved some waves together.  Chamba isn't old enough to go in the water but he did muster up some courage to stand at the shore and jump some waves with my help.  Lots more fun to come during the vacation week!  Adios!

Precious Moments

There have been many sweet moments when I feel my heart melt at the chance to connect with a child.  One night I was reading a bedtime story to Daniel, 5 years old, and after we both layed down to sleep I heard him whispering to himself over and over, ¨Jehovah, es mi pastor, nada me faltara¨ (The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...)  It was so sweet and innocent as he talked himself to sleep that I just melted.  I am so glad he is learning so young to think on these things.

Another morning I went into the cafeteria where the kids have devotions in the morning before school.  Raquel was the only one there so I asked her if I could read some devotional stories to her and she said yes.  After we read them I asked her if there was anything she wanted to pray about and she mentioned her concern over her brother´s behavior lately and whether her family would come to visit her.  We prayed together and I could tell that she was feeling rather sad and serious about those burdens.  I was thankful for the chance to spend alone time with her.  She is not usually open about her feelings like she was so I counted it a sweet opportunity to connect with her.

Most of my day is spent doing administrative work but there is never a loss for special moments with a child.  I melt at their smiles, when they give me a kiss on the cheek and when they don´t want me to leave their side after a bedtime story.  It´s almost like eating chocolate but the taste lasts longer!

Out of My Control

Within a few days, a lot happened all at once.  Some good, most bad.  I've been challenged like I knew I would be...my privacy, my things, my peace and quiet, my sleep, my eating habits, my time.  I think about how I have to let some things go in order to live in a big community with children but also protect that which is near and dear to me. 

For starters, there are rats in my room.  I freaked out but someone came to the rescue and killed the first one with the whip of a towel!  When I found the next one in my bedsheet we bought traps and I slept somewhere else.  Then, my computer broke.  The only way to get internet access in Nejapa without a telephone landline is to buy a broadband USB device.  I had mine for one week and it is gone.  Yep, gone.  Unfortunately, I witnessed someone getting into my purse in my room and decided I had to make some changes.  I thought about all of things I wanted to protect and secure and how all of that had been compromised some way.  The truth is...there are many things I can't control.  They all happen for a reason.  I've been challenged to see how I can get over these disappointments when my most favorite comforts are taken away.  Really challenged.

Now we have created a "missionary room" which is one a different level from the kid's rooms.  There's more privacy and security for our things there.  We painted it and made it our own.  Although I'm sad to move out of the "house family", I'm not sad to see the rats go.  Part of my experience here so far has been that I have to protect myself and that means my time.  I came primarily to be an administator for the home.  Quickly I noticed that it's hard to do that and be a house parent.  With the kids having 24 hour childcare, my role is to participate during meals, morning devotions, bedtime stories and stay in the "house" on the weekends.  I adjusted it to make it function better for me and for them.

I love the job that I am doing.  By far the best part is working with Rachel (director).  We get along well, work well together and have been able to share with each other in many ways.  I really love and respect her for who she is and who God has called her to be.  My day to day has been keeping her on task, reminding her of her priorities, scheduling the home's events (dr. appt's, meetings, special visits, lessons, etc.), working with the lawyer to do staff contracts and start a new Salvadoran non-governmental organization, interviewing and hiring a bus driver and meeting with other professionals who fit the profile of a Board member for the NGO piece and organizing team visits and missionary schedules.  This role fits me well I think.  I like to organize and I especially like working with the Salvadoran people.  It's a honor to serve them in such a way.  I really respect their hard work and love developing relationships with them in Spanish. 

It seems weird that it's late July.  The weather is nice here, hot but comfortable as of late, it's rainy season so the evenings are wet but cool, perfect sleeping weather.  I eat lots of icecream!  I have been able to have beautiful journaling mornings with coffee after I do a workout DVD (Jillian Michaels rocks!), then I start my work day.  One thing I will have to learn is to drive... yikes!  I will need to run errands and do business meetings for Rachel so me driving will help be more productive.  Maybe next month!  Ha!

I feel like I've been learning so much from God's word and from the people around me.  I was reminded today that this life is meant not for selfishness but for serving others.  It's easy to take on the attitude of guarding things I want for myself like my time or things but I am reminded that everytime I stop doing for myself and read a book to a kid, play a game with a group, ask a "tia" how their day is and have coffee with her or wash the dishes for the cook when she's not looking, it makes a difference in their life.  There's never a dull moment here to make a difference in lives.  I love that the most.... because they make a difference in mine too.

1 YEAR and 100 lbs!!!

Well I made it here safe and sound.  The hardest part was getting one year of my life into two suitcases with a 100 lb. limit!  Once I checked those bags through to San Salvador, the load literally lifted from my shoulders and mind.  I am working on making my room a home and figuring out just what my days are going to look like.  One thing I can say is that I love it here and I love what I am going to be doing.  The kids and Salvadoran staff remembered me from last year so it was refreshing to build on those relationships.

The first few days was interesting because a 1.5 year old boy with cerebral palsy was dropped off at the home by his mother because she was struggling taking care of him.  The home is at capacity and cannot take on more kids but the mother said she was going to just leave him home alone if noone would take him, so we took him for 3 days.  Fortunately, 3 Americans showed up the next day and we took turns taking care of him.  I took the night shift.  He needed to be held at all times and he did not sleep.  It was my first sacrifice of a night´s loss of sleep with a little baby but just within that one night he melted my heart.  It seems cruel or unloving to think that a mother would just drop off her kid and not want him anymore, but, it almost seems impossible for a Salvadoran mother to take care of a special needs child at the same time.  Most mothers are left without their husbands help and so they have to work and provide childcare as well.  It seems like an impossible battle too.  We were able to connect with her after the 3 days and offer her some resources so that her son could get the care he needs.  This is an everyday struggle here in El Salvador.

Yesterday I was reading through the psalm 144 and I came across this verse... 
"Deliver me and rescue me
       from the hands of foreigners
       whose mouths are full of lies,
       whose right hands are deceitful.
¹² Then our sons in their youth
       will be like well-nurtured plants,
       and our daughters will be like pillars
       carved to adorn a palace.
 ¹³ Our barns will be filled
       with every kind of provision.
       Our sheep will increase by thousands,
       by tens of thousands in our fields;
 ¹⁴ our oxen will draw heavy loads. ^[b]
       There will be no breaching of walls,
       no going into captivity,
       no cry of distress in our streets.
 ¹⁵ Blessed are the people of whom this is true;
       blessed are the people whose God is the LORD.

Please pray for the kids at Love and Hope and that they would be well-nurtured plants and pillars carved to adorn a palace.  Also, pray for the streets of El Salvador and that there would be no cry of distress from the people and for those who are held captive by drugs, alcoholism, gangs, etc. that they would be set free. 

I am enjoying this new position of administration.  I work with Rachel daily on fitting in the most important tasks for the day.  I also get to learn so much from her as we drive around the city running errands.  There is so much to do and I'm quickly learning that it just doesn't get done quickly in El Salvador compared to the US.  So we are diligent about making the most of the time we do have, yet protecting the time set aside for a healthy balance.  Tomorrow is our one and only day off during the week and we are looking forward to spending some time either hiking or walking in a park and going out to dinner.  Well, time to go... adios!

NEW MARCHING ORDERS

Hello everyone!  I have been waiting to share with you all that I am returning to Love and Hope Children's Home in Nejapa, El Salvador for a year.  Yes, a year.  I am taking a leave of absence from teaching which will allow me an entire school year to serve abroad.  Here's how the story developed...

THE CALL:  In early February, I spoke about last summer's volunteer experience at the Love and Hope Luncheon. It was then that I learned of new and urgent needs at the home. It stirred my heart. With anguish over the needs, I asked God some hard questions, "Who can help?" "Am I to help?" "Can I help?" "Will I help?" "Will I give up my life to help?" A pit in my stomach developed over a period of time as I wrestled with these big questions and the reality of what it would take for me to commit to this.  I finally told God, "All I need to hear is Rachel (leader of Love and Hope Children's Home) say the words". 

One integral position Rachel was looking to fulfill was an administrative person who spoke Spanish and that she felt comfortable with.  A week after my commitment to God, Rachel asked me to consider that position.   I felt that it was answer to my heartfelt questions I wrestled with earlier. I was honored and then I gulped because I knew God had opened a door for me and now I had to make the choice to walk through it. 

TEACHING CAREER:  Next, I prayed for my superintendent and human resource director and that their hearts would be compassionate toward this decision.  They proposed that I take a one year leave of absence for educational purposes (I teach Spanish and will be working in the target language) in order to pursue this opportunity to serve and they would allow me to return to my position for the following school year. I was AMAZED by their support and incredibly encouraged that they cared about this adventure and what the experience could bring back to the classroom. So, the decision was made.

THE 3 C's:  The next daunting task was to make arrangement for the 3 C's:  my condo, my car and my cat.  I was determined to use all of my resources to generate funds to be self-sufficient while being on an unpaid leave of absence for one entire year.  I couldn't see how it would all work out but I knew I could have faith and trust that God would provide for all the needs and expenses.  The final result is that my condo will be rented to a co-worker and her family as they wait for their new home to be built.  It worked out better than I ever could have scripted because they need a furnished place and I will not have to move out and back in again.  I feel so good about this family living in my home and I'm so grateful for this pleasant blessing!  My parents are taking in my cat (my mom thinks my dad secretly wants another furry little friend hanging around!).  My brother will take care of my car which will help him and his family with their costs too.  I feel so much peace about being passed this hurdle!

MY NEW ROLE:   
My heart feels peace about this decision.  I am overjoyed that I am in a position to say "yes" to this unique call.  My desire is to bring encouragement to Rachel and to take some of the weight off of her shoulders so that she can minister to the children at the home in a way that she is gifted at doing.  My 8-5 job will be doing administrative tasks such as creating and implementing safety policies, organizing and communicating with staff, teams, missionaries and volunteers, along with networking within the community to build a list of resources and support relationships.  I also will be leading a family unit of 5 children.  I will live in my own room and care for 3 girls and 2 boys that will have rooms adjacent to mine.  A child caregiver will be with them when they return home from school and then I will change roles to love and encourage them when the administrative work is done for the day.  I am really excited about being a "parent".  Most of you know that I live by myself so I am sure this role will stretch me in a good way.  I keep thinking about how different I will be when this year is over.....wow, I can't even imagine!  All for His glory! 

SUPPORT:  So many people have encouraged me by saying "I think you're doing a good thing".  To be quite honest, I would much rather sit in my cozy condo and toast my toes by the fireplace while reading a nice book in my rocker or napping on my hammock.  But I know too much about who Jesus Christ is and what his standards are for our lives to be satisified with that.  He calls us to be living sacrifices and to care for the poor and orphaned.  He may have created me just for this moment in time...to sacrifice my home, my car, my cat, my comfort, my community of friends and family.  There really isn't anything about me that is doing a good thing, it is my knowledge of a God who calls me to be much more than comfortable and my faith that believes He will sustain me outside of my comfort zone and therefore teach me about things I have never learned.  You all have encouraged me throughout this decision and I am so grateful for every last little way that you have.  This journey since February has been an exciting ride and I haven't even arrived to serve the mission yet!

Thus, it begins June 28th....  will you follow me?